You got clips for those roots?

Hey readers, McClane here.

If you're reading this blog and you like movies, you should go visit rootclip.com right now.

I can write about it all day and throw in tons of references to porn, Thundercats, steak, eggs or giant snake movies, but instead I'll copy and paste an email from my friend Kevin Antoine, who runs the site:

Rootclip is a short video collaboration site, where we will shoot the first chapter of a story, we set characters and define costumes pretty much, and then we leave the rest of the story up to the user community. The full story is 6 chapters long, and we only shoot the first one. "The world" shoots and votes on the rest of the story and characters in the story are all united by their costume.....so people know who is who as the story progresses.

Learn more here:



Let me tell you something right now, readers: if I could have gotten a hold of rootclip when I was a kid, I'd already be easily as famous as Kevin Bacon. When I was about 13 years old, my sister and I created this fantastic movie called "SUPER JOHN."

(Editor's note: I have no idea where the hell the "JOHN" part came in, since I don't think I knew that many Johns back in those days. Hell, even the ones I probably knew weren't worthy of a superhero name anyway. Especially that damn John Jensen, who was always plotting to give me pink eye.)

It was your typical origin story about a kid or an alien or something who ends up being raised by this busted, low-class, cigar-smoking, highly abusive maniac family that forces him to do tons of manual labor, including lifting big cardboard boxes easily weighing more than 10 tons each.

There's a lot of other things about this movie I could give away (including the inter-racial love affair with the girl next door and his jealous, abusive mother's attempt to keep them apart), but I'll hold off.

Actually, I will tell you one thing: I deserved an f'n Oscar for my simultaneous portrayal of both a screaming, chain-smoking foster father and a 12-year-old alien foster kid with a heart of gold and a body of pure steel. (Also, a nomination should also go to my sister, Amanda, who took time away from her busy schedule to play the nagging mother role. You remember Kim Basinger from that Eminem movie where he rapped in a steel factory? Yeah, my sister totally owned her ass back in 1990.)

You may be wondering what kept Amanda so busy during that time period. Well, I don't know all the secrets, but I do know for a fact that she had this badass Barbie ice-cream making machine thing that—to this day—made the finest damn strawberry ice cream I've ever had in my life. (If any of you ladies still own one of these Barbie ice-cream making machines out there, I'm totally available Saturday night if you want to bring that on over.)

Anyway, if "SUPER JOHN" could have been somehow worked in to a chapter of rootclip.com, I'd be on one of those CSI shows by now. Maybe even that new 90210 show. If I was, I'd have a pretty awesome haircut, too.

Don't sit there and roll your eyes at me, readers! Luke Perry was like 35 when he played "Dylan, the bad boy high school surf car racer guy" on that show, and it was all due to that smooth haircut and carefully placed scar on his forehead. Damn that guy was a badass in 8 Seconds, wasn't he?

Anyway, go check out rootclip.com and tell Kevin that I sent you. We tried to work out some deal where everybody that visits rootclip.com and says they saw 'em on the Tirade gets these awesome bear-skin chaps and an orgasm ball with both our logos on it. Unfortunately, we couldn't get that worked out in time, so just go check it out anyway and enjoy some cool short films.

I got my root down,

-McClane

P.S. Do you guys know about this awesome "20-year-old McCain-supporting student gets a giant backwards 'B' carved into her face" story? It's awesome.

In case you've been living in some bomb shelter eating canned hot dogs or have been sucked into some negative-zone-other-dimension or some shit, read the FIRST part of the story HERE.

The read the full, real story RIGHT HERE.

Thaaaat's genius to me.

Anyway, I have to point out how Knoxville gets yet another awesome political plug this year. First we hacked up Sarah Palin's email, and now our fans are apparently slashing faces in Pennsylvania. This woman's sweatshirt gets my award for coolest post-controversial-event accessory of the year.







Yay Knoxville!!!