What the hell is going on, right? I've slipped and let almost an entire month pass since I've hiked up Tirade Mountain. Well, folks, the hike is over and here I am, back in the saddle. I've also brought back two gigantic concrete tablet slabs with me.
I'll probably read them to you, or throw them at you... or throw them down... maybe make a scene and some lightning will flash or something... but we'll do all that later on.
It has been a while, hasn't it? I guess I figured that since the Friday the 13th Chronology post was pretty much the size of 10 blog posts in one, it would buy me some valuable vacation time away from the Tirade.
However... as we all know, the Tirade won't let us escape, will it? The Tirade has other plans for us, and it won't let us leave. Through space and time, it'll keep bringing us back, probably to do awesome things. Or to waste time and zone out at work.
Either way, I have one piece of news to leave you with, and then I'm out. On Monday afternoon, I purchased a special deluxe edition of Friday the 13th part III: IN 3-D. I shit you not, readers, this thing blew my mind. Inside that little box is two pair of genuine 3-D glasses.
I've watched this movie an uncountable amount of times... but watching it in actual 3-D was like an entirely new experience. I'll never go back to part III in 2-D again. Never again.
N-e-v-e-r again.
This will probably happen like 20 times, but if you try to invite me over to your house for some corn or casserole or something and then surprise me with a proposed viewing of Friday the 13th part III in TWO-DEE... I'll whip your TV's ass with the casserole dish and smash through your living room window. I'll even leave my truck in your driveway and run all the way home if I have to.
I'm not going to watch that film in 2-D, and you can't force me to. No matter what you try.
When you come knocking on my door asking for me to repair your TV, or even to pay for the repair man to fix your TV, I'll hide from you. I'll hide under a bed, or maybe even dress in an all-black leotard and hide in the back of my closet... where the black clothes will help me blend in with my old coats.
If you try to use bloodhounds to track me down, I'll physically run through mountain creeks and streams, using the water to throw off my trail.
I'll create a dummy trail, by looping back around and following my own footsteps to make you think I've gone another direction. That would buy me the time I need to find a new hiding place... or live off the land for a while. Actually, I was thinking of doing that anyway.
I'll change my face with plastic surgery (again). If the need should arise, I'll even change my sex (again).
You could possibly mail me the repair bill for your living room window, and even then, I'll mock you by burning it in my gas grill. The fumes from the ink will flavor my steak in new and wondrous ways. I will eat it, and also your dignity.
So basically, brother, you can't get me to watch Friday the 13th part III in 2-D again. Put the idea out of your head, unless you have some time to kill and decide to organize an outrageous month-long rigorous ravenous man-hunt. Because that's what you'll just have to do.
Till next time,
-McClane
P.S. There's a scene in that movie where a guy has a yo-yo and he slings it right into the camera. For years and years I've made fun of this moment, thinking it must be the worst thing in 3-D ever. Dudes... the joke is on me. Watching that scene was like watching God make ice cream by using molten lava. Absolutely unbelievable.
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