Sup Halloween fans & gynecologist enthusiasts!
It was a pretty savage Halloween here at the Tirade on Saturday night. From the posted photos below, you'll be able to see some of the carnage, and more photos are on the way.
The interesting thing about being an OBGYN completely covered in blood is the incredibly range of reactions you get from the ladies. (More on that in just a sec.)
I wasn't too worried about the dudes, since every male who saw me either gave me a thumbs up, high five, rolling laugh or just screamed something about me being hard core. One nice drunk guy at the Waffle House at 5:00 a.m. actually pointed out that I had some blood on my pants. This guy was hammered, wearing a yellow hoodie and may or may not have been partially retarded. Either way, he was terrifying, and I just smiled and said, "Oh woah!! Damn, you're right!"
It was a pretty insane night of bar hoppin' and scene stealin'. I bought three disposable cameras to carry around & distribute, and I completely forgot how hilarious those things are. Unfortunately, it's gonna take like a week to get the shots back since film apparently sucks. The shots below are from my buddy Shawn.
Like I mentioned before, the reactions from the opposite sex were hilarious. Here's a few great moments from the night:
1. Quote: "Dude, that is the most disgusting f'n costume I've ever seen in my entire life. I'm serious dude, that's straight-up offensive. Good luck getting laid tonight dude, or EVER. You're sick." It's important to note that this woman was BEYOND serious. I thought she was going to fight me, actually, in the bar. I had to ask her where all the aggression was coming from, especially since it's Halloween. She just told me that she was an aggressive person in general. Then she re-iterated that I'd never get laid that night.
Editor's commentary: You know, she has a good point & I never even considered that. When I was splashing the blood all over the scrubs, my arms and face earlier in the night... all I could think about was how easily I could get laid in that outfit. "Man, I'll totally nail three chicks at the same time tonight," I thought as I made my name tag that said, "Dr. McClane, Certified Vagina Inspector" with a picture of me covered in blood, holding two giant butcher knives.
2. "You seriously make me want to puke."
3. Horrified looks from every single woman over 40 while wondering around in the Wal-Mart.
4. Laughter and smiles from every single woman under 40 while wondering around in the Wal-Mart.
5. Horrified looks from every woman with children, no matter what age, while wondering around in the Wal-Mart.
6. "That scares the shit out of me; stay away from me."
7. Taking multiple photos with super hot chicks in slutty Halloween costumes because they thought it was the best thing ever.
8. Getting asked for my Facebook(?) from one of the hot chicks in slutty Halloween costumes.
Editor's commentary: I explained to her that meeting women on Facebook is like running straight out into moving traffic blindfolded. It could be the most thrilling thing ever, or you could end up mangled & crushed like a ski-mask-wearing thug in an early-90's Steven Seagal movie.
9. Realizing that this hot chick in the slutty Halloween costume has no damn clue who Steven Seagal is.
10. Getting licked in the face by a hot chick when I revealed that the blood is actually made from super-sweet corn syrup.
11. Getting licked by a dude when I revealed that the blood is actually made from super-sweet corn syrup.
12. Laughing about it because it's Halloween and that's awesome.
13. Getting my picture taken multiple times with this awesome lady dressed like a giant-sized tampon completely covered in blood. (This wasn't too bad.)
14. Having my picture taken with this awesome lady dressed like a giant-sized maxi pad completely covered in blood. (This was absolutely horrifying.)
15. Liz Albertson.
16. Pulling a random tampon out of my pocket later in the evening that the lady dressed as a giant tampon covered in blood jammed in my pants. (This would later end up in my nose for some reason, on fire.)
17. Seeing a random guy walking around in the Pilot Light all by himself wearing gigantic box that said, "Lord Vader's Baby Extermination Service" with multiple, bloody dead babies hanging from it on strings by their necks.
Editor's commentary: And I thought MY costume was bad... This cat better have been carrying a sawed-off shotgun with him under that box, because I have no idea how he made it home alive.
18. Getting my picture taken with my head jammed in between some gigantic fat guy's crotch who was dressed up like a very scary old woman.
19. Finally taking a shower and having my entire bath tub look just like that awesome scene from Friday the 13th part IV: The Final Chapter when Jason takes out Peter Barton with his bare hands.
20. Running into the same chick from point #1 & having a nice long conversation with her about feminism and Guns 'N Roses. (I also confirmed her prediction: at that point in the night, I definitely hadn't gotten laid.) Turns out, she was really cool after all. Amber, if you're reading this, I hope you don't mind me quoting you on #1. (Pictures of us [and her disgusted face] coming soon.)
Thanks to everybody who made Halloween absolutely awesome!
Enjoy the pics & hang in there; there's more on the way.
Dr. McClane out.
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