Welcome to the Tirade. A place of warm tranquility and steel-enforced ethics of street justice and brawn.
In case you're wondering, I just now came up with that tag line, and it might warrant an entirely new nameplate change at the top. I'll look into that.
Anyway, today we're discussing a hard-hitting topic of robots and their ongoing battle to take over the planet. Everybody knows that Judgement Day is coming soon, and the signs are becoming more and more blatant every day. A lot of people think it may have started with that whole Terminator thing, but actually the source I have goes much deeper into American lore.
Everything we will come to fear and hate about robots stems from this scene:
Yeah, that's right. It starts with a birthday cake surprise and ends with Uncle Paulie getting disemboweled and burned to a flaky skeleton of cinder and doom.
Next time you get rich by beating the hell out of Mr. T, think twice before you buy your brother-in-law a giant robot death machine. Trust me, you're not gonna hurt his feelings with a nice new flask, a few bottles of gin, carton of cigarettes or Russian prostitute.
So today our friends at CNN ran this really interesting story about new advances in science that are helping amputee victims get back in the game. The technology is astounding, almost to the point of being unbelievable.
So yeah, basically, we're talking first generation cyborgs here.
Call it what you want, folks, but the process of attaching robot machinery to a human being's body and integrating both elements into one more-advanced unit is your textbook definition of a cyborg.
Sure, the technology is pretty straightforward now... pick up a gallon of water, shake hands, etc. However, if that sumbitch can hold a drill and put a hole in a piece of wood... you know he can hold a super-advanced laser cannon like in District 9 and turn some human beings into sausage.
We've seen this kind of thing in comic books & movies for years, and I'm shocked to see it happening in the flesh. Self powered, light weight, strong-gripping cyborg arms, man.
You want further proof? You remember how that Schwarzenegger guy played a notorious robot cyborg guy from the future? Let's look at a comparison. First, our new happy prosthetic arm that's going to help Veterans:
Now here's the arm that's going to crush the living hell out of the entire human species on the planet and leave us in a world of dust, tears, pain and no more steak... ever.
Keep your wits about ya, readers. If I were you, I'd start digging some gigantic hole somewhere and stocking up on canned goods.
You really think that's a PHONE you're carrying around?
If you're reading this blog... you are the resistance.
- John Connor
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